Friday, February 17, 2012

Why do Asian Women go for White Guys?

Who. Fucking. Cares.

"Woe is me, it's so hard for us Asian guys." Shut the fuck up. The reason you're single isn't because you're Asian, it's because you're a pathetic whiny little bitch that likes to play the victim.

Romantic entanglement is not a public service. No one is entitled to be slept with, dated, or found attractive by anyone else. It is perfectly okay for a person to exclude entire classes of people based on their age, weight, gender, race, or the type haircut they have.

Is it okay for a girl to only date guys who drive Porches? Yes, yes it is okay. If that is her minimum criteria for dating someone, good for her. Does it make her shallow, ignorant, or materialistic? Maybe, but that's not your problem... it's hers. Is it okay for some Asian girl to claim she only likes to date older white guys? Yes, yes it is okay. Does it mean she is missing out on potentially the best relationship of her life? Maybe, but that's not your problem... it's hers. Do you really want to date these women anyways? If a woman excludes me from her dating pool, I see that as a good thing. It saves me the wasted time of dating someone who isn't going to be compatible; by her deciding not to date me, there is an overall net gain going on.

Complaining about how ignorant these women are isn't going to change their minds. Bemoaning to your friends about the under-representation of Asian male stars in the media is an interesting point, but nothing is going to go back in time to change the mind of the girl who shot you down last night. It's perfectly fine for someone to have a "type". Simply put, your dating pool consists of the overlap between the people you are attracted to and the people attracted to you:

If you're trying to change something... Instead of trying to change the minds of people who aren't attracted to you, try looking within. Figure out if you are "shallowly" or "ignorantly" excluding people who might be attracted to you. Or god forbid you actually work on yourself for a change! You know... Become a more attractive person?

What has helped me in relationships (and in life) is understanding that you can't change how people act, you can only change how you react.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Relationships between two people. Is platonic possible?

For the purpose of simplicity, this entry assumes there are only two reasons why people form relationships:

  1. Emotional Attraction. This is the "personality" part of liking someone. It could be as simple as sharing interests or values. It's basically everything except...
  2. Physical Attraction. No explanation required.

First I’ll cover the healthy types of relationships:

Platonic Relationships. (1) and not (2) with someone who is also (1) and not (2). The answer to title of the entry is “Yes”, Platonic Relationships can work. Two people who have emotional attraction without physical attraction. These are the people you call “friends”. You like the same stuff and you provide emotional support for each other. Other people you can have platonic relationships with are family members, co-workers, etc.

Friends with Benefits. (2) and not (1) with someone who is also (2) and not (1). This could be an entire entry inside of itself because I feel like this is just the tip of the iceberg (One Night Stands, Fuck Buddies, etc.). However, to keep this short, a FWB relationship is having sex without having serious emotional attraction. These relationships are very rare because sex is a very intimate and personal thing (for a lot of people), so it is natural for emotional attraction to get involved. More often than not, FWB relationships actually DO have some (1) involved but for simplicity lets just say there is none.

Real Relationships. (1) and (2) with someone who is (1) and (2). Hopefully if you’re reading this and you have a wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend... you are both on the same page here. Pretty simple, you both like each other emotionally and physically.

Prostitutes and Strippers. (2) and not (1) with someone who is (1) and not (2). Prostitutes and Strippers are emotionally attracted to customers money, customers are physically attracted to Prostitutes and Strippers. This relationship is classified as healthy because both people are getting something they want. No one gets hurt and both parties are happy!

Here is where it starts to get a little more interesting:

Friend Zone. (1) and (2) with someone who is only (1). Now I've been trying to avoid sexist language so far but it's usually guys who find themselves in the Friend Zone. These types of relationships usually involve a guy who wants to have sex with a girl but she doesn’t find him physically attractive. It might be tempting to blame a woman for stringing the guy along. Most women will pretend to ignore the obvious clues because they enjoy the emotional support from the Friend Zoned guy. However, no matter how manipulative the woman is, it's the guy who is allowing this to happen. He is trying to be a Nice Guy with an ulterior motive. Even if the woman is knowingly taking advantage of him, I still feel no pity for him as he is the one enabling her behavior.

Booty Call. (1) and (2) with someone who is only (2). Again, not trying to be sexist but women are usually the gender you think of when you think Booty Call. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a guy complain, "Gee, I feel like this woman is only using me for sex... it’s so terrible." Usually it’s a woman who wants a relationship with a man, but he isn’t interested in her emotionally. Without delving into self-esteem, daddy issues, and seduction techniques... the woman basically decides the best way to get into a relationship is by having sex. Like the Friend Zone guy, the woman here deserves no sympathy because she is enabling the womanizer.

What's dangerous about being in these types of relationships is that often times the people in them don’t realize that they are in them. Or worse, they realize it but are holding out for the other person to change. Something I learned a long time ago is: See people for who they are, not who you want them to be. See a relationship for what it is, not what you want it to be.