Friday, October 30, 2009


Oh the parents. My parents piss me off all the time. Most recently, my mother emails me (although we live in the same house, we don't talk) and pops off with some comment at the end about "how I don't realize or appreciate what she does for me". Now, I am a pretty mellow person, but it ruined my day. I became furious. Ended up lashing out on some people who probably didn't deserve it. Hey, we all carry our baggage. People deal with their particular daemons every single day. But handling our anger and stress will be a post for another day. So anyways, I end up emailing her back:

Don't think for a second that I underestimate what you have given me. I appreciate the fact that you have done all in your power to enable me to succeed.

However, you need to understand that I show my gratitude in a different way than most "normal" children. I don't write sappy cards, take pictures, and give hugs. Instead I have the knowledge that in adulthood, your children become your life. And as a parent you do everything you can to enable them to succeed. So instead, I show my gratitude by making the most out of the opportunities that you give me. I will not bring shame upon your efforts by not-succeeding. You don't need to look far to see that there are people, even within the family, who have been given opportunities (some greater than mine) and squandered them with their wasted potential.

I realize wholeheartedly what you have done for me, from day one. The times where you were on your own as a single mother. The times where I was difficult. The times where you put my interests above your own. The times where you gave me your food because there wasn't enough to go around. The times where it seems like I hated you. The times where I did not appreciate what you did for me. Well, this is not one of those times. Don't sit there at your monitor and try and pretend like I don't see what you have done for me.

I just show it in a different way. I show my gratitude by making you proud the only way I know how: by succeeding.


Her reaction was a mixture of pride, sadness, and acceptance that I am just different.

So recently, it is not just my mom who is having a problem with the way I act. Heartless, selfish, asshole-ish, or whatever. I have butt heads with people in the last couple months, more than I have the whole year. Maybe it is because I am becoming selfish again, dealing with my own problems, my own stress, becoming that cut-throat person I was in the past. Maybe I have lost my consideration for others. Right now, I don't care. I understand that there will be consequences for my selfish actions, so be it.

I based my life on seizing opportunity and taking advantage of favorable situations. I'm not about to apologize for that.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

You're really nice

Being "nice" is one of those dagger compliments that girls dole out. Usually to guys who are interested in them, but those girls don't feel the same way. Classics in this album include: "You're great, just not for me", "You are going to make SOME GIRL really happy", and "I'd like someone just like you, just not you".

But I digress, back to the compliment itself.

There are very few truly evil people in the world. Try to think of someone who you feel is a truly bad person. Not misguided, stupid, or careless. But malicious, insidious, and hateful. You might know 1 or 2 people. But the majority of people in the world just don't have that character. Calling someone "nice" has become so generic that I stopped using it out of spite. The exception being overly nice people. Even then, I tell them what exactly they did that I appreciate. I like to think that it makes my appreciation a little more meaningful. At least better than, "Hey, you're nice!"

I do realize that calling a person "nice" is never really a bad thing. In conversation, it has evolved into a harmless statement that no one really pays any attention to. How... ... ... nice.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Man up

A lot of people are willing to give advice based on feel-good thinking and perfect circumstances.

No one knows exactly what your situation is. No one but you. Your decisions are your decisions.